When you have been lit, you cannot trust your own feelings. You cannot believe your own feelings. You wonder if you are going crazy, if you are stupid, if you are actually the most toxic in the relationship. You start to question everything about your reality. Things you should be 100% sure of suddenly feel clouded by uncertainty. You stop trusting your memories. You stop trusting your belly. You stop trusting yourself.
If you’ve been in the gas light, you can keep your experiences to yourself, as you’re not sure how others will react to your stories. You may feel that you have no right to complain. You might feel stupid if you care so much about it. You may feel over-reacted because you have been told that you over-react over and over again until you start to believe that it is the truth. You were made to think that your feelings are wrong, that your gut feelings are wrong, that everything about you is wrong, wrong, wrong.
The most important thing to remember is that you were manipulated to feel like shit yourself. The things they told you, the lies they made you believe in were incorrect. The way you felt was wrong – and that’s because of them. It is a mistake on their part. Not from you. You may have made a mistake by including them in your world, but you can always leave them behind. It won’t be easy, but it is absolutely necessary.
As you go forward, you need to remember that your emotions are valid. You may be upset, angry, disappointed, confused, bitter, angry, or all of that. Nobody can tell you that you are misusing your situation because there is no right way to deal with pain. Your experiences are yours alone. Nobody knows how they would react if they were in your shoes because they are not you. You don’t know how your past shaped you. You cannot penetrate your mind and therefore have no say in your decisions.
Remember that you don’t need someone else’s permission to feel the way you feel. You also don’t need permission to cut someone out of your life. If someone has treated you badly, you should no longer treat them. You shouldn’t take your calls. You shouldn’t reply to their texts. You shouldn’t act politely to keep peace.
It doesn’t matter if your reaction makes people around you uncomfortable. You don’t need your blessing to throw others out of your life. If you don’t want them, don’t allow them in your world. You cannot look at other people to guide you. You have to make your own decisions. You have to set your own rules.
Remember you are responsible for your own life. You are in control of your own path. If you are gas-lit, you may feel that you cannot trust your heart, stomach, or mind, but you are not stupid or weak or helpless. You are strong. You are capable. You’re smart.
You are enough.