Why do people lie?
Sometimes we lie without any thought, it just comes naturally, to some people sincerity is just too hard a rule to obey.
Usually it is to conceal the truth to get ourselves out of trouble, or maybe to spare someones feelings, or the classic reason to get the day off work.
I guess when people lie they do not expect to be discovered and it can prove somewhat embarrassing when we are caught out.
Some will say what is the harm, whilst many will take it as an insult and it goes without saying the prisons are full of ‘liars’.
So, are all liars bad people? or are all bad people liars?
Always tell the truth and you will not have to remember anything
This is obviously why police will interview a suspect and them ask them over and over again the exact same questions. If the suspect is telling the truth then their version will not differ but if they are lying it becomes difficult to remember exactly what was said.
You cannot really expect a criminal to tell the truth though as the crime committed is liable to be much more serious than them telling lies though the offence of perjury is getting more and more serious and the punishments are getting harsher.
The lies that hurt the most without doubt are from so called loved ones, family, friends and especially partners. Someone who is being’cheated’ on has to endure further indignity by being lied to on top of everything else and when the lies are uncovered the pain is all the more acute and harder to bare.
Whereas love forms the foundation to any relationship, trust, honesty and respect forms the foundation to love and at the heart of this is sincerity.
Building any relationship is like building a house, the foundations must be strong. If the love is missing key components such as sincerity, trust or respect it is likely that love is weak or even false. It is so easy to think we are in love and only to find out later that the love was not what we first thought.
Lets’s face it, we can never know for sure what the other is thinking, we can only go on what they say and what they do and even then the words ‘I love you’ and the occasional bouquet does not prove anything and often it is only time that reveals the truth.
Time.. it is the most precious of all commodities, something we do not realise until it has passed. We could end up spending time with the ‘wrong’ partner, there may even be children involved and if we had known what we discover later, at the beginning we might have made very different choices.
Unfair isn’t it?
Why can’t people just be honest?
“If he didn’t love me why didn’t he just say and I could have found someone else”
Yeah, it is unfair, some people are just selfish, this is people, this is life, we live and we learn and sometimes the lessons are harsh and there is pain and the trouble with pain?
What can we do to protect ourselves? Save us time and heartache? Is there anything we can do?
Yes there is.
There are signs.
We have to look out for signs, we cannot always take as gospel what we are told by someone because let’s face it, they may not be telling the truth. It is wrong to always be sceptical, always to doubt, it is right to give the benefit of the doubt.
Actions speak louder than words
Words are cheap but actions are often definitive, they can give away someones true intentions more than what they say and someones character is never truly known until it is tested.
If at the beginning of a relationship and you discover lies, any lies, then this really is not a good sign, it really is an insult, a betrayal of trust, a sign of disrespect. Remember, sincerity is the base form of love, if they say they love you but then lie to you I am afraid there is a distinct problem.
If you are indeed building a house and are laying the foundations and come across a problem it is most unwise to continue building and ignore the problem. If the foundations are poor, it is more than likely the ‘house will be weak and may not last the test of time.
The truth is many people will see the signs and ignore them in the hope they will simply go away and maybe fix themselves. indeed there are but three choices.
- Fix the problem
- Ignore the problem
- Walk away
It is possible to fix the problem, the culprit may in the past be used to lying, it may be a small lie and in no uncertain terms we then have to inform them that lying just is not an option and we ‘demand sincerity’ or, ‘take a hike’. In effect we draw a line and we give no leeway.
Trust is a wall, it takes time and two to build and cast last a lifetime. Once demolished it can be rebuilt but we never be as strong as the original
If we ignore the problem just like most problems we ignore, the likelihood it will get worse and will eat away at your self esteem if nothing else. We see signs and they are often a reflection of what is real and we ignore them at our peril.
If we were indeed building a house and we realised there are problems with the foundations we can quite simply walk away, the ‘plot of land’ may appear to be the ideal spot, it may look really nice but the truth is there are many other nice places to start building, this is the safest option.
It really does not matter how good they make you feel, or how well they may treat you, if there is not sincerity then there is a problem.