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DEAD MAN WALKING! I am suffering from anxiousness, irritability, restlessness and such uncertainty.

I consider my future constantly and often I am waking up with anxiety in the middle of the night.

Sometimes I feel like I am a bad person, nothing good happens to me and I cannot see things changing anytime soon.

I feel like good things only happen to people who are good so I really try to be good but everything scares me and enjoying life seems so far away.

I have received the normal advice.. watch a movie, do sports, get a girlfriend but it is hopeless.

inside my mind there is just weariness and fatigue and almost every waking second is spent feeling tense and agitated.

other advice is to talk to someone but I have no one to turn to. The people I do know I do not want to bother them with my problems, part of me feels ashamed and embarrassed.

I really cannot see any light at the end of the tunnel but thank you for reading 

What is Anxiety Caused By?

Hello Alex ( I don’t know your name ), firstly I want to say that I do sympathise with your struggles, for someone who has to ask themselves “Do I have anxiety?” then they probably do.

Living with anxiety can be like living with restrictions, your mind is not merely an organ or even a tool, for you, it is everything.

Do I have anxiety? Or do I suffer from anxiety? It matters not the question, if you are asking it then you surely have suffered with the symptoms of anxiety the symptoms of anxiety.

  1.  Worrying Excessively
  2. Feeling Agitated
  3. Restlessness
  4. Fatigue
  5. Irritability
  6. Difficulty Concentrating
  7. Difficulty Staying or Falling Asleep
  8. Avoiding Social Interaction
  9. Irrational Fears
  10. Physical Tenseness
Man with anxiety

If you have more than one of these symptoms then “Do I have anxiety?” becomes “What can I do to combat my anxiety?” or maybe even ‘how to help someone with anxiety’. It is possible to help someone with anxiety, therefore it is possible to find and receive help. Most importantly, it is possible to defeat it.

What is Social Anxiety?

Is anxiety a disability? Is anxiety a disorder? The truth is when you are suffering then yes it will feel so but officially it is not recognised as such perhaps because it can be easy to fake and is difficult to measure.

To some, it seems such a trivial issue. To a sufferer, it is more crippling than any physical affliction.

What is social anxiety? Well Alex, it sounds like this is what you are suffering with and it can be the worst kind. 

No man is an island, we cannot live without some interaction with other people, whether it is at work, or just going to the shops, an event, even family gatherings. Indeed, due to recent and ongoing lockdowns, social anxiety will probably have reduced across the board because of the reduction in normal levels of interaction

It does not matter where you live, anxiety in the UK, anxiety in America, anxiety is a disorder of the mind and though the local environment might affect you, the reality is your location is immaterial.

Some people are naturally confident, whilst some are shy but social anxiety is much more than shyness, it spills over to real fear. 

Fear of talking to people, avoiding eye contact or attending events where there are people. 

Such an inward fear of other people can have such a damaging effect on your self esteem and any anxiety in a relationship can also add to your distress and happiness. Anxiety in a relationship? Often, as in your case Alex anxiety in a relationship is not a problem because your anxiety is preventing you from enjoying a relationship in the first place.

Stressed Man with anxiety

The most important thing to realise and remember is that this is not it for you. Never accept that things will always be like this. This is a condition you can improve upon, this is a condition you can defeat. Like any mental illness, it is a battle and any battle can be fought and can be won. 

You are always much stronger than you think you are and there is much you can do to help yourself.

Waking Up With Anxiety

I personally have suffered from depression and every thought in my mind was dark and negative, practically every minute of every day.

When you are suffering in life, very often your only solace is when you go to sleep and your ‘nightmare’ begins when you awaken.

However, Alex it is clear your suffering is deeper than this because it is now disturbing your sleep. Waking up with anxiety in the middle of the night is when you begin to realise that anxiety is taking over your whole life and there is no getting away from it.

Difficulty in getting to sleep and the other extreme, wanting to sleep all the time are symptoms of anxiety and depression but when it enters your dreams and actually wakes you up it can be very distressing and depressing.

This is now your lowest point but the positive spin is things can only get better. The reality though is things are unlikely to get better unless you take some kind of positive action.


anxious man in bedroom

Alex, when you are waking up with anxiety in the middle of the night then you know it is time to make a change. If you are unable to effect this change yourself, then it is time to reach out and get help.

Waking up with anxiety is distressing but your anxiousness is now causing you to lose sleep and this alone is adding to your problems

How To Help Someone With Anxiety

I understand your dilemma Alex. Inside you know you need to talk to someone, inside you want to talk to someone, someone who understands, someone who cares enough just to listen.

Inside, however, you feel almost shame and embarrassment at your affliction. You look around and it seems that you are the only person with this problem. The very last thing you want to do is bother a friend or a family member with your problems, especially when you know they may have their own problems.

Then there is the added risk that whoever you find has no idea how to help someone with anxiety and their reaction can be very stigma based, negative and can lead you to feeling much worse.

So, how to help someone with anxiety? For any mental illness, your first port of call is, of course, your doctor or GP who may prescribe you a course of medicationcourse of medication

I am not an advocate of medication. It is important to remember that there is no doctor or medication that can cure you. A doctor or other professional can only help you to help yourself

anxious man on railway tracks

It sounds like you have it bad Alex. What does anxiety feel like? Whereas depression can feel like dark clouds are following you everywhere, symptoms for anxiety can be much more intense and periodic.

I would say now is definitely the time to reach out to someone. It need not be someone you know, it can be anonymous, it could even be a phone line, a mindset coach, literature, help online but the important thing is not to do nothing, if you do nothing then nothing will change and deep down you do want things to get better.

Breathing Techniques For Anxiety

How to help someone with anxiety, how to stop an anxiety attack, anxiety in a relationship, relationship problems

relationship problems, panic attack vs anxiety attack, waking up with anxiety. All can be cured and all can be cured by you, though it may feel a million miles away.

There are breathing techniques for anxiety and there are breathing techniques for anxiety attacks. It may sound small but breathing techniques for anxiety can be the key, learning to breathe smoothly and deeply can make all the difference so please do not discount it, look into it and adopt it.

Alex, you will now know your ‘triggers’ the things or situations that will heighten your anxiety and you need to be ready to apply your new breathing techniques. Because anxiety can be more intense than depression you can probably predict when it will be at its worst and you can begin to plan and think ahead and be more prepared.

anxious man with head in hands

It may feel like you are alone but the reality is there are millions of people who suffer with the symptoms of anxiety.

You are definitely not alone and even writing in as you have done can be your first step to recovery. Joining something like a Facebook group can help. What something like this can do is to help you make contact with people who are also suffering with symptoms of anxiety.

What difference does this make?

 The level of understanding you will receive will be much higher as people in any such group will know exactly how you feel.

More importantly, you will begin to find people who have suffered but are now recovering or have recovered and such people are a goldmine for advice,support and understanding


Alex, you cannot see a future but unless you give up entirely then there always is a future. 

There is nothing better than life and life always comes with challenges, unfortunately, your challenge is greater than others.

Never begin to believe that you suffer because you are weak, The reality is the contrary is true. You have struggled where others have not, you have mental scars where others do not but still you have survived.

Life is like a long dark tunnel but there is light, you must to believe in it and no matter how slowly you proceed, proceed you must, one step at a time.

Imagine a life without anxiety, it would be tantamount to removing shackles from your mind and restrictions from your life.

This is your challenge Alex, your battle that absolutely you can win.

Good Luck



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