Going through a breakup can be difficult. Carry on completely? That can feel even more difficult. We share six ways you can let go of the past and move towards a more positive future
We’ve all been through this. Whether you thought you were “the one” or something a little more casual, even the friendliest split can have a huge impact on us. The end of it all can feel like a time of emotional upheaval. For better or for worse, a chapter in your life has come to an end. And that can feel pretty scary.
According to a study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology, it takes about 11 weeks to feel better after a relationship ends. And after a marriage or long-term relationship ends, the number is believed to be closer to 18 months.
So what steps can we take to put ourselves first, start the healing, and move on?
Lean on your loved ones
It can be difficult to reach when we are most vulnerable. If you are already feeling bad after a breakup? It can seem impossible. But often we need the support of friends and family the most.
Whether you need a good scream or want someone to distract themselves from things, having someone to hang out with can help you feel like a weight has been taken off your shoulders to talk and just be.
If you don’t want advice right now, let them know. It’s okay if you’re not ready to speak, but our loved ones don’t mind, reader. Setting boundaries can help you avoid feeling overwhelmed and relieve the pressure you may have on knowing what topics are on the table (and which are not). Open, honest communication is key.
Disconnect to reconnect
Taking a break from social media seems like the solution to everything these days. However, if you are tempted to look up your ex or scroll through your old photos, taking a step back to focus on you again can be a solid step.
Leave the FOMO behind and get to know yourself again. You wouldn’t expect your friendships to thrive without a little TLC. Why should your relationship with you be any different?
Take the time to practice high quality self-care. Enjoy the silence, take a walk in nature or do something creative. Regularly stop asking yourself: How am I doing? Regardless of the answer, this is fine. Just taking the time to acknowledge your feelings can have a significant impact on your overall wellbeing.
When trying to move on, common traps can be easy to fall into. Playing the guilt game, rebounding, trying to be “just friends” – there are so many ways we can focus on the past or temporarily numb the pain with choices we rationally know aren’t best for us.
If you’re struggling to take a clean break, blowing off steam by chatting with friends can be a good solution. However, try to move away from feelings of anger or resentment as this can improve the way you think. Also, it can be good to take a break from situations where you might meet. You need time now to grow and prioritize – it is not selfish to let them know.
By keeping the focus on what to expect in your future, you can divert your energy away from focusing on your past relationship
If rebounds are your weakness, focus on friends and family. You are probably feeling quite vulnerable right now. You need time and space to rediscover how you feel when you are romantically alone. However, that doesn’t mean you have to feel lonely. Spend time with close friends and relatives in a relaxed, platonic setting.
Treat yourself to a new source of focus in the form of a hobby or rediscovering an old passion. Yes, taking the time to figure things out and heal is important, but you need something that will help you rebuild your life. Taking care of your non-romantic relationships, hobbies, and passions can help you take this step.
Hypnotherapy can be a great tool when you’re having trouble getting through or aren’t sure how to start over.
During times of transition between relationships and singles, you can struggle to adapt to a new way of thinking. A hypnotherapist can help you move into a state of deep relaxation where they can help you identify specific areas you may be struggling with and implant more optimistic views of your future. This can help you redefine your thoughts, priorities, and goals – without stagnating about how things “might have been”. A hypnotherapist can even help you feel more comfortable, confident, and fulfilled, without the need for outside validation.
By keeping the focus on what you want in your future, you can divert your time and energy from focusing on your past relationship. Visualization and positive suggestions can help you get a clearer picture of the path you are trying to create.
Focus on your future
One of the best ways to move forward is to plan what your future will look like. Where do you see yourself in your personal and professional life? Journaling can be a great way to find out where you are and where you are right now.
Take the time to write down everything you feel. Are you frustrated or fulfilled in your career? Could your work-life balance be better? Do you have that one big dream that you never wanted to look at more seriously? It’s time to leave the past behind – now is the perfect time to rethink what you want out of life and who you want to be.
Give it time
Chances are you didn’t fall in love overnight. Moving on after a breakup is like a grieving process in many ways: there is no right or wrong path, no set timeline, and most likely it won’t be a linear process. You will have a few days that feel awful. But you will also have days when you feel great and what their names are you don’t even think of.
Be nice to yourself and try not to get frustrated no matter the rate at which you are healing. You’re making progress – you may not see it yet.
To learn more about self-confidence hypnotherapy and your ex, visit hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk