Emily shares her experience with another type of grief for Grief Awareness Week.
– Emily Maybanks
I understand quite well
what it feels like to lose someone you love very much. My father suffered from cancer for one
A few years before he sadly passed away in 2012 when I was seventeen.
I learned to deal with the loss of my father. not to let him be there
Special occasions like graduation from university, moving abroad, birthdays and starting my teaching activity. The hardest part, however, wasn’t
Having him there for me through my own battles with cancer. First in 2017 and
then again earlier this year.
Lots of people talk or
write about the pain and grief that comes with losing a loved one, but nobody
really talks about the pain and grief that comes with finding out that you never are
be able to have children of their own. I think it’s important to talk
about it, and being open and honest about the emotions and feelings that this entails
I had my first ovary
taken out in 2017 when I was twenty-two with a tumor. Earlier this year
Just a few weeks before the lockdown, my other ovary was removed, along with one
Tumor. To learn that I once had ovarian cancer was hard enough. Have it
to become sterile again and at the same time was overwhelming. To then have to
recover from major surgery while coming to terms with anything without
Just being able to visit my friends earlier this year was a challenge
say the least. I have often wondered what my father would have said if he had
were still alive.
It was so hard
come to terms with everything. I was angry. I felt apathetic. I have felt
alone; I was relieved and wondered if I was going crazy with all of this
Feelings that i felt Most of all, I tried to tell myself I was lucky
Having my health and not being able to have children of my own is not
massive deal breaker because i can still make a difference in life from
Children and young people as teachers and even as foster parents.
Find out it’s not you
Having children is certainly a different kind of grief because of it
is kind of a loss. To me it sometimes feels like I’ve lost the right to call
I am a woman myself. And I feel uncomfortable when people ask, “Do you want kids?
the future? “Because how do I honestly answer such a question without asking it
do you feel uncomfortable?
I think it is
It’s important to be open and honest about it because it’s a
Reality for many people, and it is a difficult, sometimes isolating experience.
But I’ve also learned that friends will try to understand, and they will be
There for you – whether it’s a shoulder to cry on, a hug, an ear to listen to or
even just someone to sit still with.
My name is Emily (Em). I recently graduated from Swansea University with a degree in Modern Languages, Translation and Interpreting, where I was also passionate about Swansea Student Media and the university’s student newspaper – Waterfront. I am currently an EAL teacher and LSA at my old Reading secondary school. I blog for Student Minds because I had mental health problems as a student and now as a graduate as well as various other health problems, and I support friends and students who also have mental health problems. I’m a passionate writer, and writing has been important to my mental health experiences – both to help me research and manage my mental health, and to share my story, to help and inspire others.