5 Things to Keep in Mind When Trying to Find Your Tribe (2020)

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Have you ever heard the term, “Your vibe attracts your tribe,” and wondered who makes up your tribe?

A tribe is so much more than just a group of friends. It also means that the members are a society that comprises families or communities linked by social, economic, religious, or blood ties, with a common culture and dialect, typically having a recognized leader.

How do you know if the people you spend your time with are part of your tribe? 

It’s easy if you keep in mind these five things:

  • know who you are
  • know what you need
  • make sure your energies are aligned
  • don’t be judgemental
  • be intentional

Know who you are

Beyoncé said, “Knowing who you are, is the greatest wisdom a human being can possess. Know your goals, what you love, your morals, your needs, your standards, what you will not tolerate, and what you are willing to die for. It defines who you are.” This is a powerful statement, and it is the cornerstone of finding the right tribe. 

The first thing to do when trying to make sure you know who you are is to figure out what you like and don’t like. Pay attention to how you feel when you are doing certain activities. Just because you have always done something, may not mean you like it. Try new things that you haven’t done before and see where your real interests lie.

Ask yourself the tough questions and don’t be afraid of the answers! Misty Sansom, a life coach, has a 25 question quiz you can ask yourself. A few that stuck out to me, especially when trying to find your tribe are:

  • Who would you love to meet? What would you ask? What is it about this person that makes them important to you? Why do you want to ask them the questions that you do? Dig deeper, and you will learn something new about yourself.
  • What habit would you most like to break? What habit would you most like to start? Is there someone that you spend a great deal of time with that also has this habit? Is there a situation or person in your life that triggers this habit? 
  • What are you most afraid of? Deliberate on this one for a few moments, because our fears are often not what we think.

Knowing who you are, is the first part of making sure you are in the right tribe, but the second part is making sure that it meets your needs. 

“Don’t waste your time being what someone wants you to become, in order to feed their list of rules, boundaries, and insecurities. Find your tribe. They will allow you to be you, while you dance in the rain.” ― Shannon L. Alder

Know what you need

According to Seth J. Gillihan, Ph.D., “Not surprisingly, people who are good at identifying their needs are also more likely to have their psychological needs met—they enjoy better relationships and a greater sense of being good at what they do, and more freedom in their actions.” 

Being aware of who meets your needs and who doesn’t is fundamental to building the right tribe. Don’t be afraid to speak up about what you need once you identify them. If you need honesty, then tell your tribe that. Once you have, if someone continues to lie to you, they will not meet your needs and do not belong in your tribe. When character traits and energies are similar, a tribe can flourish.

“Go to the community and the locations that have set a sparkle in your psyche. That’s how you find your Tribe.” ― Karl Wiggins

Make sure your energies are aligned

When you align your energy and are doing things that motivate and inspire your soul, you will meet people on the same path. These people have shifted their focus from the negative thoughts to the things that make ignite their passions. Knowing who you are and what you need are integral pieces of how to align your energy.

If you want people in your tribe who are encouraging, you must first support yourself; and then others. Listen to your heart, and shift to a more positive perspective, and you will see that life seems more purposeful. This will create opportunities to meet new people and build your tribe.

“When we live in alignment with who we are and how we want to live, we will attract and find like-minded individuals.” ― Akiroq Brost

Be intentional 

If you are ready to figure out who your tribe consists of, you must be intentional. Put it out there using self-affirmations like, “I will find members of my tribe that add value to my life because I deserve a kick-ass tribe.” Self-affirmations play a massive role in setting intentional goals. Scientifically, self-affirmations work because our brains believe what we tell them to. 

I like to think when we say things like, “I am fulfilling my purpose in this world,” we put that out for the universe. Then the people who are meant to be there will come around you. You will meet them as you open up new endeavors for yourself. You can not sit idly by and wait for your tribe to find you. Go forth, call it out. Create an environment where your tribe can thrive.

“We create our future self by default or design.” ― Nicole Cody

Be discerning

The cold hard truth is that you won’t get along with everyone you meet, and some people won’t like you, but you probably already know that. What might be a little harder to realize is that there will be people you like, or even get along with, but they aren’t right for you. Knowing who you are and what you will help you figure out who the best members of your tribe are.

The benefits of having a tribe include a sense of safety. This is where you can be vulnerable and grow. You should be able to communicate your desires and have them taken seriously.

Only you can decide who is good for you to be around and who isn’t, just don’t be afraid to set boundaries where they are needed. Boundaries are necessary because they ensure that we are truthful with ourselves and stay the course we have established with our intentions. 

“You don’t need to change your message, you need to change your tribe.”  ― Suzette Vearnon

The most straightforward truth is you will know who your tribe is when you meet them. They will support you and be there for you, as you are there for them. You will also know when someone is not the best fit. If going to the gym is essential to you, but everyone you spend time with would rather play video games and eat snacks, you will feel discontent.

It doesn’t make those other people wrong, or those activities aren’t fun. Still, by continuing to invest time and emotions in that tribe, you miss out on someone who might push you further than you thought you were capable of, and help you achieve a milestone you have always wanted. 

The sense of belonging that comes from finding your tribe is like the feeling you get when you come home. It is safe and encouraging, but it is so much more than that. It makes us feel relevant because the people in our tribe care about our opinions and what we have to say. They make sure we always feel seen, and that our talents and strengths are not ignored or diminished for the sake of someone else’s vanity.

The members of your tribe will teach you new things and make sure you are always learning. You will do a lot of listening and seeing things from another perspective, which is the only real way to fight ignorance. 

We all deserve to find a tribe. Continue to seek yours out and let us know what helped in the comment section below!

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